“Fuck the doomed.” -Richard Milhouse Nixon

So I was looking at dinosaursfuckingrobots.com the other day and laughing loudly in the University of Delaware library for a lot longer than I’d care to admit, and it dawned on me that the mark of a doomed society may very well be the depravity of its humor.  If that is the case, then we are indeed quite doomed.  As I read the inspirational messages randomly paired with pictures of various dinosaurs viciously assaulting innocent robots, I could not help but think that I could be using my time more fruitfully.

The feeling quickly passed, as it always does.  Time spent laughing is never time wasted.  With so much to be angry about in modern society, why shouldn’t everyone simply choose to laugh instead?  It may be true that “if you’re not angry, you haven’t been paying attention” for most, but I pay attention to most current events.  I don’t see any hope for the future either, but I laugh about it.  I see the economy continue to plummet, even after the successful “yes we can/change” election.  People still fret about their money, or lack of it.  I laugh.  Their homes are depreciating in value.  I laugh.  Their cars eat up too much fuel.  I laugh.  Know why?  Because I just so happen to not own a damned thing. 

All of you sycophant chickenshit bastards with depraved indifference to those less fortunate than yourselves: this is how the other half lives.  The slightly more fortunate portion of the other half, but the other half nonetheless.  We work shit jobs we hate and survive paycheck to paycheck.  My only hope is that this most recent economic recession serves as a great equalizer of sorts; I hope that things get so bad that the Joneses start trying to keep up with ME.  We’re all in this sinking shitshow together people.  I already knew that we are all mere animals and thus equal.  I just hope I get to see the expression on your face when you realize it too.

I’ve had my share of philosophical discussions about the notion of saving humanity and the effects it would have.  These conversations were heavily influenced by alcohol and various other drugs, however some things ring true in my sober mind.  The short of it is that one person or small group would have to take such drastic action to change the world that all of humanity would unite against him/her/them.  Think introducing socialism to the US Government.  Or toppling the government and debt record altogether Fight Club style.  These people would be crucified overnight.  And for what?  The people you are supposedly trying to save to light their torches and come for you in the night?  One day fifty or one hundred years after you die that gruesome death under mob justice, if you’re lucky,  maybe some bold bookworm will read your footnote in the history book and utter the classic hero’s epitaph: “Huh.  Well maybe he wasn’t such a piece of shit after all.”

No thank you.  Good luck with your democracy people, if that’s what you want to call it here.  America is a capitalist republic, not a democracy-and a wise man once said that capitalism and democracy are not synonymous.  If you don’t believe me, go quote a socialist or communist manifesto at your local government meeting and see what happens.  You may as well preach the merits of the national socialist party during World War II.  After all, you’re dealing with people that genuinely think that steroid use in baseball is a pertinent issue (people are starving).

Speaking of crucifying socialists, kudos to Obama.  I think of the future and do not see him being well-liked or re-elected.  I see acres of red tape in front of him and impossible battles with nay-saying right wingers over petty bullshit that has little or no bearing on the real issues at hand.  He’s not taking absolutely drastic action as I mentioned above, but I think the result will be the same for that poor bastard.  There’s nothing like putting an icon of change and hope up on a high pedestal and then watching it smashed to bits like some poor old woman’s cherished snow globe on moving day.  And that’s the most hilarious, twisted joke of them all: hope. 

In the words of the late great Dr. Thompson, “Get familiar with cannibalism.”